Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
