he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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