I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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