I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
