We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
