her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
