You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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