We won't sleep together?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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