I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
