butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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