We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
