i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
