he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize