Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
