my phone needs a breathalizer
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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