You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So vagazzling was a success
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