If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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