I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize