No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
