how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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