Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize