I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
