I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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