I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
