The maid of honor just puked.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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