And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
