Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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