Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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