Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
