I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
