we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So many bounce houses so little time
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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