They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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