Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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