so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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