if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
