508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
