tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize