everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
