You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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