I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize