Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
