Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
