If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
