im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
