Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
