At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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