I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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