Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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