She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
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He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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