i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
third nipple confirmed
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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