It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
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Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
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I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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