this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
