She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We need to get me chipped asap
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
