he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
