You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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