I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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