She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
